„DZIK STRASZYŁ DZIECI, WCZEŚNIEJ ZJADŁ IM PIEROGI”
To był jeden z najlepszych od wszystkich nagłówków świata. Purpla przeczytała go trzy razy zanim uniosła lewy kącik ust, zrobiła printskrina i wysłała go dalej, niech się radość mnoży przez dzielenie.
Jeszcze kilka sekund minęło, zanim Purpla poskładała w sobie jakiś przedziwny stan, który mieszał jej to, co i tak ma we łbie zawiłe oraz wprowadzał niejasny żal i niepokój i to w czasie, kiedy powinna uważać z nożem.
Zjadł.
Im.
Pierogi.
ZJADŁ.
Bosze…
Nikt nie wie jak to się dzieje w głowie Purpli, że oto nie jakieś anonimowe dzieci w Legnicy, ale ona, ONA właśnie siedzi za tym stoliczkiem z fotografii, przed tym blokiem z fotografii i oczyma pełnymi łez patrzy na umazany świńskim ryjem talerz, na którym jeszcze przed chwilą kusiły obietnicą wszystkiego co piękne parujące, lśniące od masełka, pofałdowane jak pszeniczne łany głaskane wiatrem… pierogi.
Pewnie ze sześć ich było.
I teraz, kiedy cała purplowa jaźń, całe głodne jestestwo jest oczekiwaniem na pierwszy kęs, kiedy cała jest wielkim, pożądliwym, porcelanowym kubkiem smakowym z Miśni, teraz właśnie, na milisekundę przed spełnieniem, jakaś śmierdząca, galopująca, włochata dzika masa drapieżnie wdziera się w tę anielską pieśń swoim oślinionym ryjem i prostackim chrumkaniem, czkając i łypiąc przekrwionym ślepiem rzuca się w środek Purplowego oczekiwania i ŻRE, prostacko i prymitywnie, brukając swoim tępym nieokrzesaniem ulotność tego, co się nie zdążyło dokonać…
O ja cież pierdulę…
Jak bardzo Purpla nienawidzi dzielić się jedzeniem…
To jest coś takiego, że talerz Purpli jest święty. Dotykać go mogą tylko jej konsekrowane ręce, a jakikolwiek fragment sztućca wycelowany mniej więcej w kierunku jego zawartości sprawia, że Purpla zaczyna świecić na czerwono, choć wewnętrznie.
Jakby dorastała co najmniej w miejscu, w którym jakieś popłuczyny manny spadają na ziemię jedynie raz w miesiącu i w dodatku większość zatrzymuje się na górnej części listowia ogromnego baobabu.
Zapewniam was, że po Purpli zdecydowanie mocno widać, że tam nie dorastała.
Dorastanie Purpli przebiegało w kuchni. Przy piecu, w którym buzował ogień postawili mały stołeczek, który w rodzinnych stronach Purpli nazywał się ryczka. Przy piecu krzątała się Babcia, obok pieca siedziała Purpla, na piecu coś bulgotało, skwierczało, przesuwano garnki, a bardziej przy środku, a z brzegu, a przełożyć do rynki. Babcia śpiewała wszystko, co przyszło jej do głowy, Purpla jej wtórowała i nie mogła się doczekać aż Babcia podsunie jej pod nos gorącą próbkę swojej genialnej alchemii ze słowami
-A dmuchej, bo gorke…
Kwaśny jak dorastanie na blokowisku żur, słodki kołocz z posypką, grysik w kostkę do rosołu, młoda kapusta z zasmażką na smalcu ze słoniny od Dzidki, co to była odłożona z wdzięczności za makatki, które Babcia wieczorami dziubała szydełkiem, przeciągając pętelki włóczki przez oczka brzydkiego parcianego materiału tworząc abstrakcyjne krajobrazy światów, których nikt nie podejrzewał o przebywanie w jej głowie.
Zapach octu, pieprzu, masła w rondelku, kiszonego ogórka.
Dźwięk plaskającego o blat dobrze wyrobionego ciasta, kląskanie ucieranego w makutrze kremu, dźwięk, którego nie sposób nazwać, gdy płaty przeschniętego lekko ciasta na makaron były zwinięte w spiralę i wprawnie szatkowane na cieniutkie nitki, a potem ich szept, gdy rozdzielane niewidzialnymi ruchami jej palców opadały na wykrochmalone ścierki wysypane mąką.
Purpla uczyła się jeść oczami, uszami, węchem, gestami, ruchem. I śpiewała. Pewnie od momentu, kiedy była w stanie siedzieć, ta kuchenna ryczka obita ceratą w różyczki była miejscem świętym, ulubionym, gdzie można było sobie pobyć w tym misterium, poobcować z artystą i jednocześnie pośpiewać Nieszpory dając świeczkę i ogarek zgodnie z przydziałem.
Purpla uwielbia gotować. W życiu nie korzystała z przepisu, ani jedna potrawa nie była gotowana z miarką, wagą ani książką. Nie żeby Purpla była doskonała, przeciwnie, bardzo chciała otwierać te wszystkie książki i odtwarzać te scenariusze, jednak zawsze kończyło się tak samo.
-Srać to!- warczała Purpla trzaskając okładką książki i już kończyła „na oko” bo „pół łyżeczki kaszy jaglanej uprażyć na patelni” było takie straszliwie ograniczające i nudne… Pachniało jej to rezultatem z góry określonym i założonym i nie było mowy o jakimś dążeniu i poszukiwaniu, więc już reszty Purpla szukała podążając za smakiem, jaki sobie wyobraziła.
Nie zna więc wielu smaków z tch, które znać powinna, bo zna inne, jakie sobie wyobraziła patrząc na ilustrację opisaną „propozycja podania”.
Purpla kocha jedzenie.
Najbardziej na świecie.
Dopiero w dorosłym życiu nauczyła się, że podsunięcie talerza komuś kochanemu obok z zagajeniem „chcesz spróbować?” jej nie zabije. Purpla jednak robi to tylko dla tych, których kocha, bo wtedy jej serce oblepione miłością nie rozpada się na kawałki. Firmowe kolacje, podczas których jakaś wysztafirowana pinda mierzy widelcem w jej sos, sorbet, czy inny mus to jest podrzynanie gardła patyczkiem do lodów, choćby wysztafirowana pinda była przemiłą koleżanką jeszcze trzy minuty temu.
Ale teraz i jeszcze kilka minut po, jest potworem, defragmentującym duszę Purpli sztachetą, z której obłazi zielona olejna farba. Aż do czasu, kiedy rana przestanie krwawić i Purpla odżałuje ten kęs, na który była gotowa i którego zabraknie, jak kadencji .
Jedno jest pewne – żaden, żaden ale to żaden dzik nie byłby dopuszczony do pierogów Purpli.
Z kwikiem schowałby się pod krzakiem i musiałby patrzeć, jak Purpla z namaszczeniem celebruje każdy kęs, a oczy miałby pełne łez.
A Purpla zjadłaby wszystko. Wszyściutko. FY-SZY-SY-TY-KO.
Jeżeli jest na sali lekarz, to serdecznie pozdrawiam 😉
Wasza Purpla
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